I try to make sense of things by standing very close to windows

I try to make sense of things by standing very close to windows

i.
Morning felt like an ungraceful
attempt to pull myself
onto the side of a swimming pool

ii.
I wanted to dream of sash windows,
iced coffee mixing with milk / a yellow cup
and buttercream, the cold air hitting
the room kindly

iii.
I was asked to draw around
my silhouette in profile / I was shocked
and frightened by the shape of my nose

iv.
I wondered how to make
my life better and concluded that all
I needed was a white apartment
and a couple of chairs, three slices
of quiche / a lily pad of desire

v.
It was too cold to go in the sea
but too warm to wear a coat

vi.
I touched white scarves
until I became vanilla

vii.
Like seagulls roosting
on thin ledges, bridges,
everyone was pregnant or dying
or wrongly visiting a deli counter
looking for the perfect peach

viii.
I took a photo of my silhouette / it was a friend
covering their face with an umbrella,
blue and white striped curtains
knocking over a vase / a woman leaving
the pharmacy crying

ix.
I tapped the powder from a custard
doughnut onto a plate,
it was like being given permission
to grow my body hair / it had something to do with respect

‘I try to make sense of things by standing very close to windows’ won Second Prize in the 2019 Newcastle Poetry Competition.