No Ducks Around in Winter

No Ducks Around in Winter

My sister died today,
doesn’t want a wake, anyone

looking down on her.
Two, she found a box

of baby ducks in the barn,
squeezed each one’s neck

until it slept.
She’d laugh, telling

this story on herself.
If she knew why

I keep remembering
the stairs to our flat,

she wouldn’t say.
Did I fall? Was I pushed?

Memory in the crosshairs.
You were such a happy child.

I think I lost her then,
taking aim.

I walk a long time
beside the river,

the path patched with ice.
I feel untethered,

dark and cold
as the air in space.

I don’t know what to do
with my hands.

‘No Ducks Around in Winter’ was a Commended Poem in the 2019 Newcastle Poetry Competition.